Dear Inang


Date Published: November 28, 2019

My name is Heidi and this is my fangirl story.

I will start my story from when I still wasn’t a KPOP fan.

Growing up, I was deprived of the material things a kid would want to have. So I promised myself that when I grow up, I will buy myself the things I want back when I was a kid and whatever I want in the future. Fast forward to years later, I got a job and started working and earning for myself. I got to buy my own clothes and pay bills at home.

Moving forward to me as a KPOP Fan.

I got into KPOP on my first year working with a company. At first I only listen to their music everyday but never did I know that once I entered this sink hole, there’s no going back. I started to be more into KPOP - I started spending on official merchandise and joining locally organized events for my favorite group - which was “technically” part of the promise I had to myself when I was a kid (Buy myself the things I want back when I was a kid and whatever I want in the future). All is well until there was a huge setback that happened to me and my family.

The major setback..

My family broke down financially but I’m still not ready to quit being a fangirl. Quitting is not an option! Things got a little(?) harder - juggling my life as a responsible daughter/sister and me as a fangirl. The demands are increasing, the bills got higher, I got to shoulder more of the responsibility in the family because they think I can do better and I can handle it because “I CAN BUY MERCH WHY NOT GIVE MORE?” and all other adulting stuff. Being an adult is harder than I thought it would be when I was a little kid ????

So to keep up with the demands, I had no other choice but to sell my merchandise. As painful and heartbreaking as it is, but I did. It helped. A LOT. Slowly, me and my family began to rise from the dump. It’s finally over. Not until my favorite group announced another tour - this tour would probably be their last as a complete group. I already watched them overseas before but this tour is an addition to the so-called “bucketlist” of mine. I just got up and still recovering from the downfall but I can’t help but to want to go to Korea and watch them perform one last time as a complete group ????

I feel like it’s more of a NEED rather than a WANT but whenever I think about it, I also think about my responsibilities at home. I plan to apply for a loan just so I can buy a plane ticket to go see them perform but is it worth it? I KNOW IT’LL BE WORTH IT. but~ What if there will be another emergency and we need money? Where will I get if I already had a loan? My freelance work cancelled and I’m still squeezing all the bills to my salary. What should I do?

I have been struggling to fight the urge to go but I feel like I will be missing half of my life if I won’t go. Inang, do you think it will be selfish if I choose to satisfy myself again for once? Do you think it’s unacceptable to also enjoy and live my life as a normal 24 year old adult even just this once? I have sacrificed a lot but I’m not sure if I choose myself, would there be more consequences to come? I really want to go but I also want to save the money for emergencies. What should I do, Inang ????

Dear Heidi,


Your story is a perennial one. Your story is really the story of all of us. It is the story of humanity honestly. The forever fight to survive, to live, to seek happiness and joy amidst the daily necessities of life.


Your predicament to balance personal goals over familial goals is also something we all face. And the key word here is BALANCE. This can be difficult but you must do what you feel will put your spirit in the correct balance.


Everything has its positive and negative sides.


I am so happy to hear how KPOP has provided you an outlet for creative expression, a means to live your dreams and find happiness even for a moment. These glorious moments are what we all live for.


As much I myself love my parents to the bones, I know how to love myself more. Remember, you cannot give and give all you are and leave yourself with nothing. You have to be happy within yourself to be able to make other people happy. You get what I mean?


We are all brought in this life to live our lives the best possible way we can. To add something beautiful to the universe. The best contribution a person can give the universe is to add happiness, love and gratitude. You need yourself to be happy to release happy.


I believe you will continue to fight the good fight. I believe with the right mindset you will find the proper balance in life that gives you the joy you seek as well as the support your family needs.


But all this starts with thought, and then one step forward.

Work. Have faith. Keep your head. You will not be defeated.




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Dear Inang

My name is Heidi and this is my fangirl story.I will start my story from when I still wasn’t a KPOP fan.

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